Now,
Don't tell me I'm the only "Oldie" out there
that actually remembers Groucho Marx - The big
Duck floating down from the ceiling - The ever
present huge cigar in his mouth - and the tacky mustache.
"Say the Secret woid and collect a hundred $$."
He hosted the "You Bet Your Life" show with
George Burns as Host - George Fenneman as the Announcer
and Marilyn Brutus as the 'Secret Word Girl'. He also appeared
with his brothers.
The humor we watched back then was humor
that did not require four letter words and our children sat with us
as we watched.
What ever happened to that kind of humor?
Has Hollywood become so entangled in debauchery
and we so enamored with the likes of Paris Hilton etc.
that we have forgotten how we were reared?
Here are some of Grouch (Julius) Marx's old one liners:
Women should
be obscene and not heard.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and
then misapplying the wrong remedies.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
There is no sweeter sound than
the crumbling of your fellow man.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
He may look like an idiot and
talk like an idiot, but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
Now there's a man with an open mind—you can feel the breeze from here.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go
into the other room and read a book.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others.
I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself.
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
I didn't like the play, but then
I saw it under adverse conditions—the curtain was up.
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Reno, Nevada in order to be unhappy.
There is only one way to find out if a man is honest—ask him. If he says "yes,"
you know he is crooked.
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing—if you can fake that, you've got
it made.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Do you think I could buy back my introduction to you?
I'd horsewhip you if I had a
horse.
Go, and never darken my towels again.
She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
Time wounds all heels.
Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in
my socks.
Remember men, you are fighting for the lady’s honor, which is probably more than
she ever did.
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and
his checkbook open.
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit
flies like a banana.
Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was
born at a very early age.
This man has the mind of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid
of it.
Look, if you don't like my parties, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon,
leave in a minute and a huff. If you can't find that, you can leave in a taxi.
Last night I shot an elephant in my pajamas and how he got in my pajamas I'll
never know.
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was convulsed with
laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Outside of a dog a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to
read.
She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party.
In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians
can go on the air and kid the people.
I could dance with you till the cows come home, on second thought I'll dance
with the cows till you come home.
Room service? Send up a larger room.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you
than you do!
There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit—retire
You get a canoe later and I'll paddle you.
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
Addendum to Buford Book 2005
This page will include
a variety of information !
Colorado
Welcome to
my home
Deeds
Barren County, Kentucky
Page two
Page Three
Page Four
Page Five
Page Six
Page Seven
Page Eight
Letters
John Quincy Adams Buford
Page One
Page Two
Page Three
Page Four
Page Five
Page Six
Page Seven
Page Eight
Page Nine
Page Ten
And my ALL-TIME favorite ~ TRIVIA
~~~Clouds by Torie~~~